Matcha As F*ck

A ceremonial-grade slap of clarity for your soul.

30g Loose Tea Blend / 30 Servings

Feeling mentally constipated? About to spiral? Matcha As Fck* is your green signal to get it the f*ck together — calmly. This isn’t just matcha. It’s a no-nonsense, mood-boosting, crash-free brain elixir that helps you focus, function, and fake adulthood until it feels real.

Why It Slaps:

• Clean energy that doesn’t end in regret
• Boosts focus, mood, and metabolism
• Lowers your need to yell at strangers in traffic
• Makes you feel like that bitch with a bamboo whisk

 How to Use:

Whisk ½ tsp in hot (not boiling) water. Add plant milk if you’re feeling fancy. Best consumed when you’re spiralling — but want to choose peace (and caffeine) instead.

Ingredients:

100% Organic Ceremonial-Grade Matcha

WARNING:

Do not take before bedtime, family events, or meetings that should’ve been an email.